Tuesday, December 1, 2015

14 weeks: Hello Second Trimester!

How far along: 14 weeks
Baby is the size of a: LEMON!
Any names? We have names picked out for a boy and a girl -- but we probably won't share publicly until the birth. The negative and questionable reactions to Felixs name caught us off guard and made me uncomfortable. And of course now we get nothing but compliments on it! But if you ask, and I know you're awesome and wont judge our choices, I'll probably tell you. 
 Any Ultrasounds?  We haven't seen the baby since 6 weeks! 
Have you heard the heart beat?  Yes! So glad I have a doppler at home, we also heard it at my midwifes office which was exciting.
Who do you think it will look like?  hard to say since we don't know the sex, but Seth's genes seemed to be very dominant with Felix and still are. If it's a girl, I hope she looks a little bit like me (and has a smaller head than Felix!) 
Maternity clothes: Definitely. They are just more comfortable, and now that my belly is starting to stick out more, regular shirts are definite no go. 
Stretch marks: yep. Not sure if these ones are new or just left over from Felix, but I will forever be a tiger in disguise. 
Sleep: sleeping pretty well! If I wake up to pee I have trouble going back to sleep, but I started using Cedarwood oil at night again and that helps me sleep so much beter. 
Best moment of this week: Finding out that we get to know the gender of our baby before Christmas! We are going home for Christmas with our families and it was right around the time an ultrasound would be scheduled, it was a long shot to ask if my midwife could have it scheduled early (17 weeks), but she agreed!
Miss anything: wine. I don't know how people survive toddlerhood without wine!
Movement: I've felt some small things, but it could still be gas. With Felix I had an anterior placenta and didn't feel him until way later so I don't really know what to expect this early with movement. 
Food cravings: Thankfully the cravings haven't been as strong, and I don't feel so hungry all of the time. But when I do crave things its usually burritos, just like I did with Felix!
Anything making you queasy or sick: The smell of our grocery store and the smell of our refrigerator. I have found that I am REALLY sensitive to smells when I'm pregnant, and you wouldn't think it's that frustrating of a symptom until you have it and you feel like you have a dogs nose all of the time. 
Have you started to show yet: Yes. Though I think some people still wonder if I'm just fat or actually pregnant. I'm really hoping to be out of that stage soon! 
Gender: We don't know yet. Sometimes I think girl, sometimes I think boy. With my families genetics, it would be surprising if we had another boy. Every single one of my aunts and uncles on both sides has one of each or two of each, never what makes me think it's a girl. 
Labor signs:Heck no! And super happy about that. So far this has been a textbook pregnancy!
Belly button in or out: In! It never went out with Felix so I expect it to stay the same. 
Wedding rings on or off: On! 
Formula or Breastfeeding?  This question is odd for me to answer because it requires quite an explanation. But Formula, because we don't have any other option. Feel free to ask me about mammary hypoplasia if you have questions!
Have you bought anything for the baby yet?  We had the opportunity to get a crib for cheap from one of Seths coworkers, so we have that! I was also gifted a swing and a stroller from my sweet friend Jenny who was moving away. Other than that, I haven't bought anything!
Natural or Medicated birth?  Hoping for another epidural free birth. Also hoping to not be induced. Also hoping that by the time I give birth, laughing gas will be available at our hospital! It was just brought to Portland hospitals recently so I'm hoping it makes it's way out to Beaverton in the next 6 months!
Happy or moody most of the time: Moody. So moody. And hormonal and angry and weepy too. I cry at commercials and at random times about random things. It feels like my hormones are double what they were with my first pregnancy
Looking forward to: December 22nd, the day we find out the gender!

Most of the time it still doesn't feel quite "real" that we are having another baby. Perhaps as we get further and I start to feel kicks and put together the nursery, it will! Either way, we are excited for Felix to have a new buddy to play with and to expand our family. 

Monday, November 16, 2015

A Week Without Social Media

I struggle with being on my phone too much.
What milennial doesn't?
I got my first phone when I was 11, smart phone when I was...20? And here we are in 2015 and we are all, yes all of us glued to our iphones most of the time.
You see it when you're in line somewhere, driving, on the bus, anywhere, anytime, people are looking at their phones.

I don't think the intention of smart phones was ever to tune out the rest of the world while we tune into our phones, but that is certainly what it has turned in to.
I miss whole chunks of shows I'm watching, conversations I'm "having", and things Felix is saying to me because I'm tuned in to the most recent Starbucks red cup scandal article coming through Facebook. And when it's not Facebook it's Instagram, re-checking every minute and a half to see if someone has posted something new. Someone I probably don't even know in real life and will NEVER meet in real life.
If you stop and think about the ridiculous amount of time spent on our phones, you will probably be embarrassed.
I'm embarrassed.

Because Felix knows when I'm without my phone for 30 seconds and brings it to me. He just knows that Mommies phone is always in her hand.

And I'm sure I'm not the only one who has trouble with boundaries for things. Like food. And social Media. And food. And food again.
It's either all or nothing for me. I don't do well with "ten minutes here" and "only one chocolate today". That's why low carb works so well for me. Because swearing off of sugar all together is easier for me than just eating one bite. But that's another topic for another day when I'm not pregnant and eating more taco bell than I care to admit.

I don't want Felix to think that my phone is more important than he is. He is at the point in his cognitive ability that he knows and understands way more than he can say. So when I'm staring away at my phone, excluding him from my gaze, not listening to his needs, for no other reason than MINDLESS entertaining, I'm sad to think about how it must make him feel. Because social media has become so mindless for me. I don't see much value for it other than communicating with family and making new mom friends.

The political drama I can do without. The celebrity gossip I can do without. The quizzes for whether or not Seth and I's astrological signs mesh together, I can do without, that ship has already sailed.

Of course I enjoy the outlet of chatting with other moms in moms group, or my geeky Harry Potter groups, or the super helpful mom owned businesses group -- but I'm learning that those things MUST have a time and a place -- AKA never when Felix is awake and ONLY from my computer. I'm learning that I won't miss out on things just because I see the notification later in the day. When did the immediacy of information feel like such a necessity in life?

I decided to sign out of Instagram and Facebook from my phone early last week. I deleted the app from my phone, and decided to only use my business Instagram for strictly business posts -- because that is such a helpful way for my business to keep growing, I found it necessary to keep.

You know what has happened in that week?
My house is cleaner.
The laundry isn't sitting as long.
My mind is clearer.
I am remembering more things (and I've always had a terrible short term memory).
I'm getting more orders done in a faster amount of time.
Felix is asking me to play with him more often.
We watch less TV.
I have cooked more meals.
I feel less anxious, less angry, and less fired up about dumb things.
I even opened my Bible for the first time in months, which again, is embarrassing. And that is also another post for another day.

So I think this change is here to stay. I'm trying to find some balance and to give social media a place in my life, but I can't have it be in my top 5 things that matter anymore. I admire people who can ignore their phone buzzing away while they finish chores and spend time with their children -- I hope to be there some day, but for now I'm so happy having that distraction off of my phone and away from my direct attention.

If you struggle with the same reality as I do, I encourage you to try signing out for a week or ten. I guarantee you won't miss it very much.  And when you do let yourself sign in in the evenings after your kids have gone to bed, you will see how little you needed to read the buzzfeed articles or look at people's lunchtime selfies.

LIFE is happening right in front of our eyes. We just need to start looking up from our phones to SEE it.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

The Great Leash Debate

I recently told Felixs pediatrician that he has two speeds.
Sleep and Run.
He laughed.
I told him that I wish I was joking.

At this age some parents are challenged with tantrums, hitting, screaming, and pickiness.
My biggest concern with Felix is that whenever we are in public, he runs 100ft in the opposite direction of me.
He acts like he's fleeing from being imprisoned his whole life.
The look of delight on his face causes strangers to laugh and smile with him.
Until I start calling his name frantically.
Then the strangers join in saying "Felix go back to your Mommy".

We have talks about it in the car before we go inside.
I try to hold his hand but he gets so angry with me about needing to hold my hand.
He pretends his legs are broken and refuses to walk.
He weighs almost 30 pounds so he is heavy to carry, sometimes my only choice is to let him walk.

We are doing a lot of traveling in the next few months.
San Francisco this week, Palm Springs in a few weeks, Minneapolis, San Diego, and I'm sure back to San Francisco -- all before he turns two.
I'm really considering getting him a leash.

I really don't want to be *that* Mom with a kid on a leash.
In fact, when we went to Disneyland with friends we had a game of points with children on leashes.
Leashes with backpacks got 2 points, regular old leashes got 1 point.
The first person to see the leash and have a witness was the only one to get the points.
After a day at Disney we would add up our points to see the winner.
A silly part of our early dating years has now become a total reality for us.
I never thought I would even consider buying a leash!

My biggest need for it would be in airports. We only have a jogging stroller that is heavy, bulky, and not great to travel with. EVEN if they check it at the gate, I still would have to lug it around in the car when we travel. And he hates strollers! He lasts a little bit longer than he used to, but after about 30 minutes he's totally done.
Felix also hates being worn in the Ergo or any type of carrier.
Last time we flew, I had him in the carrier for about 10 minutes before he screamed himself out of it.
Most of the time I travel with him by myself because of Seths work schedule and us wanting an extra day with our families.
It might also be good for big festivals and events that we like to go to. He is as much of a runner there as he is any other day. You'd think he'd have some kind of stranger danger type feeling and want to be close to us, but no -- he's always running away as fast as he can go!

So tell me, friends, what would you do?
Do I forego the stigma of being *that* Mom with a leash on her kid?
It's not at all about treating him like an animal.
It's mostly about his safety, my sanity, and us being able to enjoy being out and about without him running away.

We leave on Thursday morning, I hope I make up my mind before then!

Friday, July 17, 2015

fresh feels good.

Blogging is probably the last thing I have time for.
But writing fuels my soul in a way that other hobbies can't.
This introvert has important stuff to SAY!
 It might not be important to you, but teaching my toddler that Mom needs her coffee is as important as it gets in our little world.

This blog is a restart. A fresh start. An attempt to rediscover myself after the first year and a half of motherhood has left me confused to my core about what I stand for.

I've been blogging on and off for a long time, but different seasons of life have kept me away from being consistent. Right now the season is GOOD. Felix is 19 months, and I feel like I have this "Mom" gig kinda sorta figured out. My business is running -- possibly running too fast for my taste but I'm learning to deal. I've decluttered a lot of our life thanks to the KonMari method. And I'm making real friends, which in the mom world is tough to do.

We relocated to the Portland, Oregon area 7 months ago and I've never felt more at home than I do here, even with our family and friends 800 miles away. Sometimes people ask me if we'll ever move back to California, and I usually laugh and say "NO WAY!". Unless the housing and living costs magically drop to reasonable levels, I see many happy years ahead of us living in Oregon. Now just to convince our parents to move up here too, that would really be amazing.

I want my blog to be a place where people can come and have a laugh, and maybe hear something meaningful too. Especially moms. Raising a little dictator is exhausting -- and it's nice to know that there are other Mamas out there having the same hard days and drinking the same large glass of pino grigio at the end of the night. I also want my blog to be a place of memories -- after all I have a TERRIBLE memory and I'd like to remember some of the bits and pieces of my over-caffeinated, under-slept life.

I may write about some of my favorite life-changing things. You know, essential oils, the diva cup, and Old Navy skinny jeans. I also like tell stories, so you may end up hearing about how my mom became my best friend, or why Seth proposed to me on a downtown street corner and it was the most romantic thing he could have done.

I'm excited for this fresh start in writing, and I hope you are too.